I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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