I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You are the jesus of drinking
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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