remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
