the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
