dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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