I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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