I must be too annoying 4 u.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
