i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
