I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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