WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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