Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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