Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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