don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
