you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
