here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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