he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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