did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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