I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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