Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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