is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
