I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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