Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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