I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
