I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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