quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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