Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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