That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
