so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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