I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
