The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
