I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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