Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
