Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
