Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dignity is for republicans.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
