Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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