Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
