Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
