I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
