MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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