I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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