oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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