Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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