I murdered the dance floor call the cops
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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