At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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