In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
