im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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