listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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