UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
