I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
