I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
