I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
