She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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