remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
