i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
