hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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