i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Randomize
