just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
