I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
